Agree to Disagree

We are barely half way through 2019 and it already feels like the election season is in full swing. This post is NOT going to be about politics, but given the combative nature of what we are witnessing in the media, it is about how to better get along with people with whom we disagree.

When I was a kid, my father’s best friend- Al- used to come over for dinner. I was only mildly interested in politics, so I would usually excuse myself when the raging debate would begin between them. They were very good friends but agreed on very little when it came to politics. What I do remember is that they never were angry with one another, and even though sometimes they would express their opinions with vigor (we had a permamnent dent in our dining room table where my father once slammed down a beer can to emphasize a point)- they were always respectful of each others opinions. Al and my father were close and dear friends up until my father’s death- and they never let politics impair their affection for one another.

Fast forward to today, and my BFF and I have wildly different political views- much like my father and Al. We both do like to discuss the topics du jour- and I am not sure that we have come out on the same side on any issue thus far. But we know that we both:

• care a great deal about our families and that being good mothers is #1 for both of us
• love this country and want it to thrive
• want people to be safe with opportunities to pursue happiness and to be self supporting and free

How we get there is quite another matter!

I see so much combative discourse, and even in the workplace about less inflammatory issues, many people seem to struggle with separating out whether they like someone (or can be professional working with someone) and whether or not they agree on a topic. My view is that having differing views is really what the point is of diversity initiatives- so getting upset when you find someone that isn’t like minded is self defeating if the goal is to get to the best solution. Rather, it is better to try to take the time to understand why it is that someone would see the same facts as you and come to a different conclusion about what the right solution is.

Here are some possibilities:

• Maybe you aren’t all looking at the same facts
• Maybe you don’t all believe the facts as they are presented- and if that is the case, why?
• Maybe you think you share the same goal as an outcome- but you don’t. Can that be explored?
• Maybe you aren’t really understanding the argument the other person is making. One way to address that is to agree to swap stances and see if you can articulate the other person’s view to their satisfaction.

How boring it would be if we all agreed on everything! Having friends with differing perspectives adds so much to life- even in this election season!