Are We Pushing Our Kids to go to College for the Wrong Reasons?
I think too many kids in the US go to college. I realize that this is not a very popular view among some groups of people. I was once at an offsite for work- it was one of these lovely settings that allowed for intense meetings, but also strolls on the beach for people to team build and clear their heads. In the evening there was a bonfire, and a group of us started talking about the cost of college, the issues around student loan debt burdens etc. One person said that hethought too many people go to college, siting the proliferation of degrees that would never result in a job, combined with the cost of school — making it unreasonable for many. The response from another coworker was that while he agreed in principle, he wondered aloud whether any among us (us being senior executives on Wall Street) would really be ok with any of our kids not going to college. I said I was ok with it- and I meant it.
When I was in high school I benefited from having parents who were intellectually driven- loved to read and were always up for a debate on the topic du jour. But my father had left a job in academia (he couldn’t stand what he saw as incredibly pretentious faculty), and started a pizza shop. My mother was a school teacher who was deeply passionate about education. My father was a very open minded person, and I remember him saying to me that I should go to college only if there was something I particularly wanted to accomplish there- but if I would rather, for instance, start a business- he would support that if I had a good idea and wanted to do that instead. We were not a family of means so by “support that” he didn’t mean as much bankrolling a business as much as he meant emotional support- and whatever economic support they could provide — if any.
What my father knew was that there are many ways to live a life. My father also knew that it wasn’t a degree that makes people happy, productive or ethical. Certainly some of the most notoriously evil people of the last century were quite well educated (Hitler, Stalin and Pol Pot immediately come to mind)- this doesn’t make education bad per se, but it does mean that like any other tool, it is what you do with it that determines whether it is good or not. Being a person of integrity, who makes the world a better place is far more important. My father himself had a tremendous work ethic, so being lazy or not using the gifts given to each of us what not something he would support. But starting a business, or being a plumber, or being a stay at home parent are all perfectly legitimate ways to construct a life that don’t have to involve going to college.
We often hear about college being free in other countries and there is that push for that in the US as well. What many people in the US don’t realize is that in other countries, it is a very small sliver of the population that are admitted to college- far less than in the US. Because it is not free, it is severely limited- and not a viable choice for most people. I think having the flexibility to pursue a college degree, if that is something a person is called to, is a wonderful option to have. But there is no reason that the cost of that should be on anyone other than the recipient of the degree. I say this as someone who had plenty of student loans and was in my 30’s before they were all paid off. But for me it was worth it. I have friends and family members who have joined the military to avail themselves of the GI Bill to pay for their degree- another excellent option. I also have quite a few family members who have small businesses or are in trades. All are wonderful career options.
As parents it is incumbent upon us to enlighten our children to the options available to them, and the tradeoffs inherent in their decisions. I also have people in my life who didn’t go to college at the traditional time, but then chose to pursue a degree in their middle age. The bottom line is that pushing a kid to go to college if it isn’t right for them could be more about the ego of the parent than about what is really best for the kid.
