Weddings + Money…How to Make the Equation Work
I happen to love weddings (love, love, love them!!). I am thrilled to be going to one in a couple of weeks where two of the nicest people I have ever met are getting married- and I am proud to report that I was the matchmaker in this situation. Pretty cool, right?
So, it may come as a surprise that the topic of this blog post is less than positive- it is the super-duper expense of most weddings these days — and even being a guest has now become something many people have to budget for. How did we get to this place? I watched this episode of Adam Ruins Everything about how weddings are a rip off — and I am not inclined to go that far in condemning the modern wedding, but looking at some of the facts, it is hard to deny that the astronomical costs are out of control!
The average cost of a wedding is about $35k according to the Knot. This goes to things like food and drinks at $100 per person or more, the venue typically averages $15k, the band $4k, and on and on and on. For many people, the dream of the “wedding of a lifetime” is something they don’t want to skimp on, so what is a modern couple to do? Here are a few thoughts:
1) Not to be a Debbie Downer talking about divorce, but statistics show that the more a couple spends on their wedding, the GREATER the probability is of a divorce. So, if you want to be frugal with your wedding plans, that is good news! It seems as though the most important things to predict staying married are having lots of people at the wedding (more than 200 people seems to be a good number) but not spending a lot on the wedding (less than $1,000 is the best!). Dating for at least 3 years also seems to be a significant factor in people staying together for the long haul. But how can you spend as little as $1,000 on a wedding and have more than 200 people attend? Read on….
2) There are tons (and tons and tons!) of articles on how to cut the cost of your wedding. The main things to think about are what matters most to you- and then how can you do these things in the least cost manner possible. I have personally done quite a number of these when I was a bride and can attest to the fact that you can have a super fun, memorable wedding while cutting corners:
a. Bridal Gown — borrow from a friend, “rent the runway”, buy from a consignment shop, be unconventional in what you wear (so you can wear something you already have!). Likewise, you can do this with your bridesmaid gowns. Have everyone where a Little Black Dress and have matching ribbons around their waste — or something to tie it all together. A little creativity goes a long way!
b. Groom and Groomsmen attire — consider wearing a suit. Maybe even borrow a suit. Yes, a tux is nice — and maybe you can borrow one- but does it really matter?
c. Venue — Is there a space you can use that isn’t too costly? I thought this article had some good ideas (Library! Zoo! Beach!) — nothing wrong with getting married at home either!
d. Food- instead of wedding gifts ask guests to bring food and drink- problem solved! Or make it just cocktails rather than a full meal if that works in your budget.
e. Don’t get carried away with feeling you need to give guests a gift. No one is going to miss it- if they are your friends they will just be happy that you are happy and honestly things like matches with your names and wedding date is going to get thrown away.
f. Music- so here’s the thing, you need music. I am a firm believer that weddings are really all about getting people together to celebrate and I don’t really have the capacity to celebrate without dancing. But you don’t need live music and you can borrow speakers from friends. Take an afternoon and put your favorite play list together and you are done!
g. Flowers- people spend a fortune on flowers. I do think having flowers is nice, but a few lovely bouquets strategically placed, depending on the venue, could be enough.
h. Photographer — you should have pictures- these are memories you are going to cherish and will want to share with family and future generations. But you probably have a friend who is an amateur photographer who will be willing to act as photographer for the day.
i. The Honeymoon — personally I think if you have any money to spend, it should be spent there. And again, data shows that couples who focus on the honeymoon are happier in the long run.
3) Make sure you are really on top of your financial situation over and above the cost of the wedding — together as a couple- before you get married. Money is, unfortunately, one of the top things that couples fight about, and you don’t want the cost of your wedding to be a source of friction. The time to talk about money is before you get married. Using tools like Pefin can help to create the objective framework that allows for effective planning and decision making — together as a couple.
4) What about if you are a wedding guest? Apparently the average wedding guest spends $900 for all of the costs associate with attending the event, according to Stephanie Cain at the New York Times. Lodging, travel, clothing, and the wedding gift all add up. As with throwing the wedding, there are any number of ways to mitigate these costs, starting with politely declining if the wedding involves travel that you simply can’t afford. Note that etiquette dictates that if you receive a wedding invitation you should send a gift even if you can’t attend — but there are plenty of very inexpensive gift options with again creativity being the mother of invention. I particularly liked the idea of framing the wedding invitation for the couple!
Weddings are a magical time and being able to enjoy your wedding- or the wedding of a friend- in as stress-free a way as possible should be the goal. Here’s to a lifetime of happiness!
