What is Success?

For a variety of reasons, this is a conversation I find myself having with people with a great deal of regularity. What I have learned is that there are a considerable number of people who are working really hard towards something they think they should want- but are pretty unhappy because in reality, none of what they are striving so hard towards means that much to them.

One of the best frames I have for understanding what success really is, is to think about my funeral. This isn’t a new idea, but one I find people don’t engage with enough. So picture this. You are dead. You are the guy in the coffin at the funeral parlor, and pretty soon you will be buried underneath a headstone with your dates of birth and death, your name, and maybe a pithy statement. And that is the end of your time on this earth.

What do you want the scene to be at your funeral? I have had the opportunity to attend quite a number of funerals, and I can say that there have been a variety, from those that were packed with hundreds of people who uniformly talked about the positive impact that the deceased had on their lives — to those where the empty pews spoke volumes. The question really is, what is the influence that we want to have on the people we touch every day? What is clear at a funeral is that the amount of money you make, or the job title that you have certainly is not the benchmark of the amount of love you bring into the world. We all would want to know that we made a difference for the better in this world.

Success can be measured in lives impacted-that is really the only metric that matters in the end as we navigate our careers and family lives or communities. So while I am all for ambition and working hard- truly I have fallen on the side of workaholic at various times in my life in ways that were not always healthy- it is so important that we not lose sight of why we do what we do, and whether there is a human connection being enhanced by it. Although the Christmas season is past, if you are looking for a reminder of this point, watch the movie “It’s a Wonderful Life” and think about what made George Bailey such a wonderful hero- and why none of us should end up like Mr. Potter.