Work Life Balance- Again!

In any given week I have upwards of 5–10 mentoring discussions. I very much enjoy this- and as anyone who mentors will tell you- I get a ton out of the relationships.

One of the discussions this week struck me, in particular because I have had flavors of this discussion for the last couple of decades, and I find it interesting that the conversation is still top of mind. The question I got was about having a successful career and being a mom. The young woman who asked me about this is a bright college student and I am delighted that the priority of having a family is important enough for her to make this a front and center question. I also find it interesting that there aren’t enough examples of how to make this work to make people comfortable that it is “normal”.

Here is what I told her:

1. My mother worked her entire life- and she worked really, really hard. She was a school teacher by day, and after (and often before) school she worked with my father in his pizza shop. Both of my parents worked long, long hours. Sometimes my sister and I worked with them, and sometimes we were home without them. My parents were great parents, and my sister and I turned out just fine. My sister is a very successful college professor and a fantastic mother of two. I have three kids. It can be done.
2. Both of my grandmothers worked their entire lives, and they worked very, very hard. Neither were professionals — one was a cleaning lady and the other worked in mills when she was very young, and then had chickens and a garden from which she sold the produce. Tough work for both of them — and between them they raised 7 kids. All turned out ok- and some would say pretty darn awesome.
3. So given the stock from which I came, I never much thought about working or not working- we just worked. I also never thought much about having kids, in the sense that I always knew I would have kids, and to me being married meant having kids. So I had my first child when I was 23 and my youngest at 39. I wish I had more than 3, but 3 is what I got and I cherish each of them. They are all amazing and wonderful people.
4. How you juggle life depends on many things, like where you are in your career, how old your kids are, whether your spouse is working (or if you have a spouse), what resources are at your disposal — and on and on and on. For me, the “answer” to how to juggle it all changed regularly and to fit the needs at the time. Sometimes the kids had a nanny, and sometimes I was a stay at home mom. Sometimes my husband was a stay at home dad, and for a while I was a single mom. Life is a bit like a roller coaster, but you just buckle up and go for the ride.

The most important thing to me, by far, is being clear on your priorities. When you are on your death bed- and we will all get there sooner or later- you won’t care one iota about your career, your promotions, how much money you made, or any of that stuff — of that I feel quite confident. But being surrounded by your children, and hopefully grand children and great grand children, will mean everything. I am not saying that having kids is for everyone- I know that it is not. But if you want to have kids and are debating whether you can handle it with your job, my recommendation is to make the kids the priority and do what you need to do to make that work. You won’t regret it.